What do you think of this poem?

It's an interesting story, which frankly would be better expressed in prose rather than poetry. You have a very good idea of suspense and atmosphere here, which is great, but there are some places where you fall to excessive description, which bogs the poem down. Furthermore, you should aim to be more sincere and intimate in poetry, what are you trying to convey her? Do you have a particular theme? It's an engrossing story but it does not reveal any emotional truth or insight into the human condition.